We walk into a restaurant with our kids and I can feel it before we sit down. The look.
Sometimes it's a comment. "Wow, you have kids? That's crazy." Sometimes it's the face someone makes when my kids are laughing at the table. Laughing. Having fun. Making the noises little kids make. And then the unspoken question I can read from across the room: why don't you just put an iPad in front of them?
Ummm. No.
I'm going to say the thing a lot of us think and don't say out loud. Somewhere along the way, families stopped being normal in public. Kids became something to manage. To quiet. To hide behind a screen so nobody else has to notice them.
And I don't think that's okay.
Kids learn to be in the world by being in the world
A child doesn't learn how to sit at a restaurant table by staying home. They learn it by sitting at restaurant tables. Over and over. Badly at first, then a little better, then one day they're ordering for themselves and saying thank you to the server.
That only happens if they're allowed to be there. Giggles, questions, spilled water and all.
Let me be fair about this
I'm not talking about letting kids run wild through a restaurant or scream through a movie. Manners matter in my house. When a meltdown happens, we handle it. Sometimes that means a walk outside until everyone resets.
But there's a difference between a kid who's out of control and a kid who's just being four. Laughing is not misbehaving. Being curious out loud is not misbehaving. Being a child is not misbehaving.
And this isn't a post against anyone who chose a different life than mine. It's a post for the mom who's been made to feel like her family is too much. You're not too much.
Why HAVEN is built around the family
When I built HAVEN, I didn't build it for a perfect, quiet, adults-only house. I built it for a home with kids in it. There are pages for the kids, for the babysitter, for the whole family's year, because a real home has all of that in it.
The whole point of running your home well isn't a spotless counter. It's room for the good stuff. Bedtime going the way it should. Singing a bedtime song with my husband. Staying up way too late baking with him and laughing. The home that houses the loves of my life.
That's what all the planning is for. Not so my family takes up less space. So we have more space to just be a family.
If you're taking the kids out this week
Not because you owe anyone silence. Because it makes it easier on you. Tap the ones you'll try.
You're not doing it wrong
If you're the mom getting the look this week: your kids are allowed to be here. They're allowed to laugh. They're allowed to sound like kids. And you're allowed to enjoy them in public.
I want to hear from you. Have you gotten the look? What happened? Send it to taylor@stepintohaven.com. I read every one.
Taylor 🤎
