I was a single mom once too.
I was working 12-hour nursing shifts with a baby, then a toddler, and coming home to a house that needed everything. There was no one to hand the baby to. No one to ask "can you grab milk on the way home." No one to split the night with. Every decision, every bill, every fever, every bedtime was mine.
If that's you right now, I'm not going to tell you it's easy. You already know it isn't. I'm going to tell you what helped me, and how to make it a little lighter starting this week.
Doing it all alone is a different kind of tired
It's not just the work. It's that there's no backup. No second set of eyes on the calendar. No one to notice you're running on empty. You are the plan A and the plan B.
And when your brain is the only place the plan lives, one bad night of sleep can bring the whole week down.
That's exactly why I started writing everything down. Not to be more organized. To have something hold the plan, so I didn't have to hold all of it in my head on four hours of sleep.
How HAVEN helps when you're the only one
1. Plan around your shifts first
On your day off, write your work schedule into the week before anything else. Then plan the house around it. Shift days get the bare minimum. Off days get the bigger jobs. You stop expecting yourself to do everything every day.
2. Shrink your 2.30 on the hard days
The 2.30 is an hour for you, an hour for the home and 30 minutes of admin. On a shift day, that might be ten minutes of each, split across the day. Some days it's just making sure the bottles are washed and the bag is packed. That still counts.
3. Write down everything only you know
When someone else watches your baby, they shouldn't have to call you mid-shift to ask how bedtime goes. Write it down once: the routine, the allergies, the comfort item, the doctor, who to call. Then anyone who helps you has what they need.
4. Build your village on paper
Even when you feel alone, there are usually a few people: the sitter, a neighbor, a coworker who swaps shifts, a friend who'd come in an emergency. Write their names and numbers in one place, so on the hard day you're not scrolling through your phone trying to remember who to ask.
5. Decide dinner on your day off
Pick a handful of easy dinners and repeat them. On your day off, make a double batch of one and freeze half. Future you, walking in after a 12-hour shift, will be so grateful.
6. Fill out the "if something happens to me" pages
When you're the only parent, this matters even more. Who would take your child. Where the important documents are. What your child needs. It's hard to think about, and it's one of the most loving things you can write down.
7. Lower the bar on purpose
Decide ahead of time what can go during a hard week. Laundry folded can become laundry clean. Dinner can be eggs and toast. A good enough house with a fed, loved baby is a win.
Your turn: write next week's shifts into your planner first, then pick the one day you'll do the bigger jobs. Everything else gets the bare minimum.
This week, just try these
Tap them as you go. Even one is enough.
You're doing more than you know
If you're reading this at the end of a long shift, with a little one finally asleep: you're not failing. You're carrying two people's worth of everything, and you're still showing up.
I know, because I was there. And I built HAVEN so the next mom in that spot would have something to hold the plan, so she can hold her baby.
Every page in this post lives in the HAVEN Planner. If you'd rather start tonight on your iPad, the HAVEN Digital Planner has the same pages.
If you're a single mom, I'd love to hear from you. What's the hardest part of your week? Send it to taylor@stepintohaven.com. I read every one.
Taylor 🤎
